Colorado Gubernatorial candidate Dan Maes has identified a new threat to the very existence of America: Bicycling. Maes has decoded the the evil plan of the globalist cabal. He has deduced that the efforts to boost cycling, in the major metro area, are “converting Denver into a United Nations community.” And went on the say “This is all very well-disguised, but it will be exposed.”
Maes said in a later interview that he once thought the mayor’s efforts to promote cycling and other environmental initiatives were harmless and well-meaning. Now he realizes “that’s exactly the attitude they want you to have.”
Indeed, Maes has recognized the creeping grasp of the one world UN run socialist paradise that’s taken root in Denver, CO and stood forth, like a real patriot, and screamed J’accuse at Mayor John Hickenlooper and all the other peddlers of socialism.
Of course, this is not the first time that conservatives have recognized the villainy of the velocipede. In the 19th century, conservatives campaigned hard against these cycles of sin. They noted with disgust how cycling allowed women to shed their corsets and bustles, or as the Right Reverend Reynolds pointed out in 1899:
A large number of female bicyclists wear shorter dresses than the laws
of morality and decency permit, thereby inviting the improper
conversations and remarks of the depraved and immoral. I most certainly
consider the adoption of the bicycle by women as detrimental to the
advancement of morality.”
Proud conservatives even raised the horrid specter of female masturbation as a byproduct of the evil conveyance.
Conservatives of today, like Maes, are still very concerned over women’s health and morality, but they also see the larger totality of these rims of revolution. Maes knows that cycling is but one gear in the great conspiracy to bring down America, and without his key insights our once great country will be reduced to this:
